This blog shares 4 reasons to start couples therapy. It could be that you or your partner(s) have been thinking about starting couples counseling. Lately, there’s been a few issues that leave you feeling stuck and tired. It may feel like they keep happening and never get resolved.


While it’s normal for relationships to have ups and downs, you know when there are real problems going on. Starting couples therapy can make you feel vulnerable, maybe even defensive. You may feel that you’ll be backed into a corner, or that the session will just be blaming you the whole time.


However, you can feel reassured knowing that couples therapists work to support all partners equally. At New Leaf Marriage & Family Therapy, our therapists are here to guide you and support you in deepening your relationships


Our therapists are familiar with and welcome working with alternative or open relationships.


These 4 main reasons to start couples therapy may resonate with you and your partner(s). There may be yelling, talking over one another, and no real listening going on. Maybe emotions dictate your reactions. There is a lack of understanding of one another – whether it’s about needs, expectations, or your past.


A lack of intimacy may also be present in the relationship. Every little thing is annoying, and just seems to turn you off. You haven’t been intimate in a while or struggle to agree on when to have sex. Finally, there is no mutual respect and appreciation.


Couples therapy in Simi Valley, CA provides you with a healthy space to work through difficulties with your partner. Both of you will be supported individually while challenged to grow and work together as a couple.


Couples therapy in Simi Valley can feel intimidating at first – you may feel that there’s a lot of work to do. But it is never too late to start, and get the help you need.


Reasons to Start Couples Therapy: Poor communication skills

gay couple having coffee and hugs at a coffee shop after couples therapy in Simi Valley, ca

Poor communication skills can be common in relationships. We learn communication skills through how we grew up and talked with our family or friends. Past relationships may have also influenced communication skills. Nonetheless, poor communication skills can cause some serious issues. 


There are a few examples of poor communication skills. One of them is yelling, or raising your voice. This may be due to the fact that at one point, you were not listened to without having to speak loudly or yell. You found that you had to do this to get your point across. However, this can just further fuel the argument, and does not ultimately make your point any more valid than if it were spoken at a normal level. 


Another one could be interrupting or talking over each other. Sometimes, this can happen where people don’t even realize it. They could just be anticipating to comment or talk about something important to them. But if someone is trying to share how they feel, and they’re interrupted without the other listening, that communicates what you’re saying is not important to me


Improving communication skills is a common reason to begin couples therapy in Simi Valley, CA. You and your partner are able to understand why you may communicate a certain way, and identify areas that you can grow in together.


Reasons to Start Couples Therapy: A lack of understanding 

young couple feeling excited about starting relationship but having issues and need couples therapy in simi valley

Sometimes we may assume that our partner knows exactly what we mean or what we want. We may even expect them to read our minds and anticipate our needs fully. When they are unable to read our minds or understand the problem, we get upset without properly communicating.


There are many things that may not be understood about one another. This could look like a lack of understanding of each other’s needs, wants, or expectations within the relationship. You may have different beliefs and visions for the future together


Setting boundaries is an important way to be able to understand one another. By making it clear what you expect from each other, there is less confusion. Boundaries could look like choosing to not engage in heated discussions late at night, or making time to spend doing independent activities alone or with friends.


In couples therapy in Simi Valley, you and your partner will likely write down a list of your needs, wants, or expectations for one another. These would be realistic, and you two can come to an agreement on how to implement these into the relationship moving forward.


Reasons to Start Couples Therapy: A lack of intimacy

married couple having picnic together to celebrate 20 years of marriage

A lack of intimacy in the relationship could relate to either intimacy in sex or everyday desires to show love through hugs, kisses, hand-holding, or more. There may be little to no desire to be affectionate with one another. It could be that feelings of irritation or annoyance arise over minor things. 


Lack of intimacy could be caused by a variety of things. Such as feeling a lack of safety, trust, self-esteem, openness, self-awareness, and mutuality. There may be personal issues getting in the way of being intimate that have little to do with your partner. 


Intimacy is a key part of a relationship, and it is healthy to be intimate with one another. It could be that there are issues with partners not being in the mood at the same time. Being able to understand the cause of the intimacy issues is integral to resolving them.


Premarital counseling in Simi Valley, CA offers a space for engaged couples or those looking to get married soon. This helps navigate common issues such as intimacy or infidelity, to help reduce the potential for them coming back up in your relationship.


When you address intimacy issues in couples therapy, you will strengthen your understanding of one another – and even yourself. 


Reasons to Start Couples Therapy: A lack of mutual respect & appreciation for one another

couple watching sunset together after having a difficult couples therapy session in simi valley

There could be a clear lack of mutual respect and appreciation for one another. High emotions may dictate reactions or responses to each other. There may be heavy insults being thrown at one another, and overall a goal to hurt each other’s feelings. 


When relationships are at this point, it can be hard to rebuild the respect and appreciation. Especially if both parties feel that they are valid to be hurtful or judgmental toward the other person. Both parties could have done something upsetting or distrustful, and it’s clear that those experiences are not properly processed together.


When you and your partner are constantly “at battle” with one another, it can be draining – mentally, emotionally, and physically. Couples may find that they have high highs and low lows with one another. This is where they have periods with mutual respect and appreciation, but also periods with no respect or appreciation at all.


It can take work and dedication from both sides to recover from this and maintain stability in the relationship. Once you get to a place of improved communication and understanding of one another, you will experience more mutuality and receiprocity

Interested in getting started? Check out our blog on Therapy: Where to Start!


Couples therapy in Simi Valley is a healthy option for those struggling in their relationships. It offers a place for not only the couple, but for the individuals to have a space to feel heard and understood.


Therapy at our office in Simi Valley is ideal for those seeking a separate, safe space from their home.


By seeking out support, you can begin your journey to feeling relief. You don’t have to go through finding the right level of support alone, either. 


Consider calling our therapy group at (805) 774-1506 for a free consultation! Make sure to check out our blog on Therapy: Where to Start for tips on beginning therapy for yourself or your family.


Seek out a validating, safe environment with us today. We will help you get to where you want to be. Our therapists provide teen therapy, individual adult therapy, LGBTQIA+ therapy, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, family therapy, and more in-office in Simi Valley, CA.

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