This short blog answers the question: what do marriage therapists do? You or your spouse recently prompted the idea of starting marriage counseling together. There are some issues occuring between you two. This could be around communication, intimacy, infidelity, and more. 


You’re wanting to seek out some professional support to work together through these issues. Your marriage is important to you, and you don’t want to go down the divorce route. Rather, you’re open minded to the possibility of working with a marriage therapist in Simi Valley, CA


Either you or your spouse may be skeptical of this process. There may be worries around being judged or singled out by the marriage therapist. Maybe you feel worried that maybe marriage therapy will sway you more towards separation than staying together. 


The first one is to work to get to know you both individually. How did you both get here? What experiences or relationships have shaped you to behave or think this way? Next, they’ll guide you to the goals you and your spouse are seeking to accomplish. Finally, they’ll prompt you to reflect on the role you play in the dynamic.


Marriage counseling in Simi Valley, Ca holds sessions in-person. Make sure to read our blog on How to Find a Marriage Therapist!


What Do Marriage Therapists Do?: Work to get to know you individually

gay couple with lgbtq+ affirming therapist holding couples counseling

Your marriage therapist will aim to get to know you both individually. While you are here to work together towards a common goal, having this background information is crucial. By getting to know your childhoods, any traumas, past relationships and more. This way, they have a stronger understanding of you in sessions. 


For example, it could be that one partner struggles with communicating their feelings or needs. As a child, they were often shamed or berated for trying to do so. In adult relationships now, they struggle to effectively communicate as a result. This is an issue that they can address individually, and you can support them as a partner.


Your marriage therapist will then work to see how they can instill goals throughout the process to address the issues at hand. They’ll likely provide each of you with “homework”, whether to complete together or separate. This helps show your thought process, feelings, motivations behind behavior, and more.


With this information, they can also better understand you and your needs. Moving forward in sessions, everyone can feel more comfortable, seen, and understood. This can lead to greater success in the outcome in therapy.


Couples counseling in Simi Valley, CA seeks to help you two tackle an issue together. Make sure to read our blog on 4 Reasons to Start Couples Therapy.


What Do Marriage Therapists Do?: Guide you and your spouse towards your goals

long time married couple saying goodbye to their marriage therapist in thousand oaks

You and your spouse may share similar goals for therapy. It could be processing infidelity, working on communication issues, intimacy issues, and more. Whatever the goal may be, it’s important that everyone agrees and collaborates upon it. 


Let’s say that your spouse is seeking to increase intimacy in your marriage. While they want to feel more desired, you may have less of an interest in being intimate. How can you both find reasonable, middle ground here? Your therapist will support you in creating this together. It takes mutual energy into working through complex issues.


They will also facilitate difficult or uncomfortable conversations among both your individual needs or concerns. They may point out any discrepancies between them and ask you both to reflect on it. There are many exercises or activities they can assign with intention to work towards your goals. Alongside this, they’ll want to check in about any progress being made towards them as well – or what is not working for you.


A common way to guide you towards your goals may be recommending individual counseling in tandem with couples. This is if one partner may need additional space to process, such as trauma, complex feelings, and more. You can find clarity and understanding around your relationship in this type of therapy as well.


Individual therapy in Simi Valley, CA is an effective alternative to couples therapy. This is good for situations where one partner is not fully on board as you are. Make sure to read our blog on Couples Therapy or Individual Therapy?


What Do Marriage Therapists Do?: Prompt you to reflect on your role in the dynamic

couple during virtual therapy for couples therapy in simi valley, ca

It’s common to start marriage therapy due to feeling that the other partner is presenting some issues that are contributing to your marital problems. You feel like you’ve done your own self-work, and you’re encouraging them to do theirs. You’re supportive of them, but feel that you’re mainly coming into counseling because of them.


However, it’s good to go into marriage counseling with the mindset that you’re facing the problem together. As a team, you’re wanting to find ways to resolve the problem by investing your time and energy into this. You’ll be holding each other accountable to utilize the tools and skills given to you in therapy. This will take working on increasing patience for each other as well.


Therefore, your therapist will ask you to both reflect inwards to how you can contribute. Are there ideas for how you can regulate yourself in heated arguments? Maybe you can practice using “I” statements, giving yourself a few minutes before responding, and more. You may have “fair fighting rules”, or come up with ideas for how you can both de-escalate situations. 


Based on what you and your partner are looking to address in couples counseling, our therapists can develop a plan geared towards achieving your goals. In couples therapy near Thousand Oaks, CA, you two can work together as a team against the issues. 


Make sure to read our blog on 3 Things to Know Before Starting Couples Counseling!


In-person therapy in Simi Valley is ideal for those seeking a separate, safe space from their home. Check out our blog on Online Therapy or In Office Therapy to understand what format is best for you. Another great blog to read is ours on if you need Therapy or Medication to address your issues.


By seeking out support, you can begin your journey to feeling relief. You don’t have to go through finding the right level of support alone, either. By clicking here, you’ll read our blog on Information About Simi Valley Therapists.


Consider calling our therapy group at (805) 774-1506 for a free consultation on how you or a loved one can get started today!

Seek out a validating, safe environment with us today. We will help you get to where you want to be. Our therapists provide trauma therapy, teen therapy, individual adult therapy, LGBTQIA+ therapy, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, family therapy, and more in-office in Simi Valley, CA.

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