This blog shares 4 tips on having self compassion when you don’t want to. You may struggle with self compassion on a regular basis. This could look like holding your mistakes or perceived inadequacies over your head. You believe you are entitled to go through life feeling guilty, ashamed of yourself, and overall unaccepting of who you are.


It could be that you actually want to have self-compassion, but you’re not sure how. You’ve struggled for a long time with negative thoughts or self-talk. It discourages you, and leaves you feeling hopeless for a more positive future full of self-love.


If you are struggling with self-compassion, look no further than this blog! It is recommended for you to seek out professional mental health care for support. Alongside that, consider reading our 4 ways to have self compassion. These include: 1) Imagine you are talking with someone else. 2) Sit with the difficult feelings. Get to know them. Listen to them. Feel them. 3) Practice self-forgiveness. 4) Do something nice for yourself. 


Trauma therapy in Simi Valley provides you with a space to process your complex and layered trauma with a compassionate and competent therapist. Make sure to read or share our blog called Men’s Mental Health is Important.


Having Self-Compassion (When You Don’t Want To): Imagine you are talking with someone else

older woman hugging herself after enduring years of trauma and finally beginning healing thanks to trauma counseling in Simi Valley, ca

A good exercise to use when you are struggling to have self-compassion is pretending you are talking to someone else. This could be the younger version of yourself, a good friend in need, or someone else you would want to comfort. 


If they were in your situation, what would you say to them to help them feel better? How can you validate their situation? What would you want them to know? It can be hard to think this way for yourself, therefore try this method out and see if it works for you!


Although your inner child may not have struggled with the exact things you currently are, they can experience the same feelings as you. Whether it’s feeling hurt, disappointed, frustrated, sad, hopeless – anything along those lines. Focus on the feelings and what you can tell them to give them hope, validation, and comfort.


Anxiety therapy provides you with a focused space to practice this exercise. Make sure to check out our blog on How to Stop Invalidating Yourself!


Having Self-Compassion (When You Don’t Want To): Sit with the difficult feelings. Get to know them. Listen to them. Feel them.

woman feeling self love after starting therapy with an anxiety therapist and feeling great about herself

Many people may skip this step and work to relieve themselves immediately. And let me just say this – that’s not a bad thing if it’s with a healthy alternative. Some therapists do recommend that when you are in distress, to distract yourself with something that makes you feel good (games / sports / TV shows / movies / music / activities /loved ones). 


But, if all you are doing is avoiding this state completely, and not doing any self-reflection work to understand or label these feelings, you may be harming yourself more than good. Especially if you are distracting yourself with substances, unhealthy people, unhealthy behaviors, or denying yourself the ability to feel this way.


It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or fed up. This isn’t to say that you need to sit through it  from start to finish. But do experience the discomfort. Be able to identify and recognize it when it comes back. Listen to it – what is it telling you? How does it make you feel?


Post IOP therapy is offered at New Leaf for individuals seeking continued therapy with an experienced therapist after they’ve completed an IOP program. Make sure to check out our blog on Therapy After IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program).


Having Self-Compassion (When You Don’t Want To): Practice self-forgiveness

people holding up their hands to spell out the word love as four of these people are all in healthy relationships thanks to couples counseling in simi valley

You may have little compassion for yourself due to harboring built up feelings of shame, guilt, or frustration. These feelings have hardened inside of you and don’t budge or miss a beat to remind you of their presence. This may cause you to feel stubborn towards loving yourself.


Do the work to forgive yourself through four ways: accountability, acceptance, repairing damage, and learning + growing from the experience. Taking accountability is taking ownership for mistakes that you made or contributed to, and acknowledging your role in them. 


Acceptance is accepting the reality of the situation or its consequences. This doesn’t mean to feel good or okay with it, but it is coming to terms that you can make changes moving forward. Repairing damage is apologizing to others, or finding ways to make up for wrong-doing. 


Finally, learn and grow from the experience. Find the lesson in it, and find ways to apply it to yourself in the future with positivity and perseverance. Teen therapy in Simi Valley supports teens with their mental health. Make sure to check out our blog on Taking Responsibility for Your Mental Health.


Having Self-Compassion (When You Don’t Want To): Do something nice for yourself. 

young man feeling happy listening to music and discovering that to be a wonderful coping tool thanks for therapy for trauma

Do something nice for yourself and treat yourself as you would a cherished loved one. This could be through physical acts, such as treating yourself to something you like. Perhaps you saw some knick-knack, accessory, clothing, or food item that you would like to treat yourself to. 


You may also treat yourself through emotional acts of kindness. You may take a moment to speak kindly or highly of yourself. Alongside this, you can also take time to reflect on what you’re grateful for from yourself, such as your personality, your abilities, your focus, and more. Recognize what you’re good at, or what you hope to be good at one day. Take the steps now to let that grow within you.


When we can reflect on things we appreciate or love about ourselves, we may feel a sense of hope for our future. Believing in yourself can be difficult at times, but with consistency, you may notice an improvement in your mental health. Practice daily mantras, affirmations, and overall positive ways to think about yourself.


You can strengthen your ability to have self-compassion by working with a therapist in Simi Valley, CA.


In-person therapy in Simi Valley is ideal for those seeking a separate, safe space from their home. Check out our blog on Online Therapy or In Office Therapy to understand what format is best for you.


By seeking out support, you can begin your journey to feeling relief. You don’t have to go through finding the right level of support alone for a therapist in Simi Valley, either. Make sure to check out our blog on How to Validate Yourself!


Consider calling our therapy group at (805) 774-1506 for a free consultation! We work to ensure we are the best fit for your or your loved one’s needs. Make sure to check out our blog on How to Sit with Uncomfortable Feelings.


Seek out a validating, safe environment with us today. We will help you get to where you want to be. Our therapists provide trauma therapy, teen therapy, individual adult therapy, LGBTQIA+ therapy, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, family therapy, and more in-office in Simi Valley, CA.

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