This blog shares 4 ways to build integrity. Integrity is the quality of having strong moral values or principles in honesty. Individuals with past trauma from childhood or relationships, difficulty being vulnerable or other situations – may struggle with integrity. 


You may have grown up in a house that was abusive, and therefore determining what is right or wrong can be challenging. People who struggle with integrity are not inherently bad. There are layers behind someone’s actions, behaviors, and parts of your identity or who you are. However, when we act without integrity, we run the risk of hurting others, and even ourselves, in the process.


It could be that in past situations, the only way you could protect yourself was through being vague or nonchalant. You may have been taught or encouraged to be silent or suppress your true feelings. In reality, this led to you operating this way as an adult.


The four ways to have integrity include: 1) Engage in self-discovery. 2) Be honest with yourself and others. 3) Surround yourself with likeminded people. 4) Hold space for yourself for setbacks or mistakes


Trauma therapy helps you heal from past experiences and grow into the person you want to be. If you or a loved one are seeking therapy after IOP, make sure to read our blog on Transitioning Out of IOP!


4 Ways to Build Integrity: Engage in self-discovery

non binary individual healing from trauma thanks to trauma therapy in Simi Valley ca and working with an lgbtq therapist

In your childhood or adolescence, you may have had to suppress numerous aspects about yourself. This could look like your true feelings, thoughts, and even parts of your identity. Self-expression was not encouraged, or accepted, and therefore left you feeling that you had to hide who you really were.


Therefore, in the present day, you may not know what you really need from others, or even what you really need from yourself. In tandem, you may struggle with feeling secure in who you are and how you truly feel, moment to moment. This may cause you to cope with stressors in unhealthy or unproductive ways.


When you’re able to spend time to understand yourself and what you want in life, you can better understand your needs, feelings, and parts of your identity that haven’t been fully expressed. This is all a work in progress, as you are relearning to not judge yourself.


By learning more about yourself, you can also have more compassion for others, and ultimately become less reactive. You’ll better understand what you want within relationships, within work environments, and social settings.


Therapy in Simi Valley, Ca helps you learn more about yourself through talking about your past. Make sure to read our blog on 3 Ways to Trust Yourself More!


4 Ways to Build Integrity: Be honest with yourself and others

couple having a discussion about their needs and boundaries after a successful couples counseling in Simi Valley session with a marriage therapist

Being honest with yourself may be difficult. It’s likely that you struggle with self-reflection, and overall avoid contemplating that. When you were faced with significant stressors, your defense mechanism could’ve been to protect yourself through fierce self-advocating. Maybe you were criticized harshly in your household growing up, which makes it difficult to understand how healthy or unhealthy your own behaviors are.



When you are honest with yourself, it’s easier to be honest with others. You could struggle to open up about the true feelings you hold inside of you. You may present that you’re not truly hurt by something. In reality, you are, and want to make it known in a healthy way. To begin, you’ll need to spend time being honest about your own feelings and thoughts.


There are parts of you that are very vulnerable, that require nurturing. To achieve this, you’ll set appropriate boundaries, ask for what you need, and communicate proactively. However, if you’re a people-pleaser, it’s normal for you to feel anxious about doing this. It takes time to build up to feeling confident in advocating for yourself or being assertive about your needs. You are capable of slowly, but surely, building this skill for yourself!



Marriage counseling in Simi Valley provides you and your partner with a space to talk about difficult topics, and work to resolve them in a way that works for both of you. Read our blog on 4 Common Communication Problems in Relationships!


4 Ways to Build Integrity: Surround yourself with likeminded people

father taking accountability for his family and feeling more confident in his role as a father thanks to family therapy

Consider the type of people you want to have around you. What morals, values, goals, or common interests do they share with you? Could it be around music, sports, career, hobbies? As we grow older, it can be harder to find others that share the same interests we hold. However, there are opportunities to meet others through social events, going out in public to different places, or meeting new people through existing friends.


In tandem with this, you want to surround yourself with people who you feel safe being yourself with. Perhaps you’re looking to express yourself more, whether it’s changing up your style, being open about your sexuality, and more. You want to strengthen relationships with those that accept you for who you are, no questions asked.


With these people, you can feel comfortable opening up to them about what’s going on in your life. You can discuss your goals and aspirations – and talk about the person you want to become. Maybe you’re looking to make certain changes, such as in your habits or everyday routine. 


When you surround yourself with people who do not criticize you, but offer support, where you can feel comfortable expressing yourself. Now, this can be difficult if you have a past history of being let down by people you’ve let in before. However, don’t let that discourage you from connecting with genuine people. They’re out there, and you deserve to have that in your life! It just takes a chance. 


Therapy in Simi Valley provides you with a safe space to talk about things, such as difficulties in relationships. Make sure to read our blog on How to Set Boundaries.


4 Ways to Have Integrity: Hold space for yourself for setbacks or mistakes

woman feeling free and not as anxious anymore thanks to anxiety therapy Simi Valley ca

Understand that it’s a daily practice to live in alignment with integrity. It’s normal that some days come easier than others. You may be striving for perfection, and putting a lot of pressure on yourself to not make mistakes. However, it’s important to hold space for all emotions that come up during this process.


It’s important to recognize moments of self-advocacy and assertiveness when they come up. You may have times where you regret not engaging in that, and take it out on yourself. Even just taking baby steps to consider what you would say or ask for is enough to feel good about!


Having patience with yourself goes hand and hand  with positive self-talk. Try to be conscious about negative statements or beliefs that are coming up as you’re building integrity. It can be self-limiting and discouraging to give ito thoughts that are not beneficial to you.


You will always be presented with opportunities to learn and grow from past mistakes. By practicing strengthening your integrity, you may find an increased ability to heal from trauma, feel more confident in yourself, and develop healthier relationships. 


In-person therapy in Simi Valley is ideal for those seeking a separate, safe space from their home. Can’t decide which format of therapy is best for your needs? Read Online Therapy or In Office Therapy to understand what format is best for you.


By seeking out support, you can begin your journey to feeling relief. You don’t have to go through finding the right level of support alone, either. If you struggle with self-validation, read How to Validate Yourself!


Consider calling our therapy group at (805) 774-1506 for a free consultation! Make sure to check out our blog on How to Sit with Uncomfortable Feelings.


Seek out a validating, safe environment with us today. We will help you get to where you want to be. Our therapists provide trauma therapy, teen therapy, individual adult therapy, LGBTQIA+ therapy, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, family therapy, and more in-office in Simi Valley, CA.


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