Can My Relationship Heal from Infidelity?

Can My Relationship Heal from Infidelity?

You’re here on our therapy website wondering, “can my relationship heal from infidelity?” This is both a common inquiry that our couple therapists in Simi Valley receive and a common issue that we work with. Discovering infidelity in your relationship or marriage marks the start of a significant healing journey; whether individually or together. 

 

It’s understandable to feel hesitant about doing couples therapy to address infidelity. Many emotions can arise as a result of infidelity being uncovered in the relationship. This can include resentment, guilt, frustration, disgust, shock, or sadness. Both partners may experience a wide range of emotions, which can disrupt daily functioning. 

 

Resuming everyday life after finding out or having infidelity found out can be difficult. There can be a break in daily routines, ruptures in the relationship, and more. It’s possible that you have a family together and are worried about how the children will be affected. Infidelity can erode a relationship in various ways, but there can be hope to restore it. 

 

Edgar Cruz, LMFT is passionate about working with couples navigating infidelity. He remains non-biased, non-judgmental, and focuses solely on what you two want to achieve in couples counseling. If you’re seeking couples therapy for infidelity, look no further than New Leaf Marriage and Family Therapy. We offer in-person therapy in Simi Valley, Ca. 

 

Recovering from infidelity takes time and effort on both sides

Recovering from infidelity is a fluid process that will have its ups and downs. At the discovery or admission of infidelity, things may feel hopeless. Tensions are likely to be high, there is little to no patience, or one or both of you are checking out. Later, there are glimmers of hope that the relationship can be restored; only to be overruled shortly after.

 

It takes both partners to dedicate time and effort into moving forward from the infidelity in the relationship. This does not look like one partner needing to quickly move on from the infidelity or immediately begin trusting again. It looks like being open to vulnerability or sharing pain or grievances to not hold it all in.

 

The partner that committed the infidelity will likely be asked to find ways to begin addressing individual issues that led to this. You may have unmet needs in your relationship, lack emotional awareness, or want to have stronger boundaries in your life. It’s understandable that you do not want to attend therapy or admit to engaging in infidelity. However, doing so demonstrates that you are seeking to realign with your values and create a life you truly desire. 

 

When will my relationship heal from infidelity?

Let’s say that you’re in couples counseling for infidelity and have been making strides. There is often an increased trust in your relationship and things seem to be on the up. However, at times, your partner still experiences bouts of resentment, mistrust, or sadness when thinking about the infidelity. 

 

You are feeling burnt out by doing what you can to earn their trust back, show your commitment to the relationship, or feel tired of talking about it. It’s normal for there to be lapses in progress, where you feel like you’re taking one step back sometimes. Being in individual therapy to navigate infidelity can help the both of you greatly. 

 

Individual therapy for infidelity provides you both with the space to fully explore your sides unapologetically. You may explore why you cheated, lingering desires, or try to cope with guilt. They may explore the residual feelings of betrayal, doubt in integrity, or indecisiveness of what to do. 

 

There’s no saying when your relationship will heal from infidelity. Also, it’s not certain if your relationship will heal from infidelity. What matters is what you and your partner are doing to move forward together; and if that is working. 

Couples counseling can help those who want to change 

What does this statement mean exactly? You may be thinking to yourself, “I agreed to come to counseling with my partner, isn’t that enough?” Attending couples counseling for the first time or after a rupture in your relationship can be intimidating. It is not uncommon for this experience to feel uncertain or uncomfortable. 

 

Showing up to couples counseling when you are not fully wanting to participate is something to sincerely acknowledge. One could simply avoid taking any accountability, refuse to give it one shot, and try to dismiss the topic. After discovering how couples counseling really is, your mind may be put at ease. 

 

However, simply being present in the room will not magically make change occur. Therapy involves deep self-exploration, analyzing behaviors we want to change, and more. It can be a mentally taxing process. On the flip side, with progress, it can be an incredibly rewarding experience. You can develop newfound insight about yourself, reignite the spark in your relationship, and begin acting in line with your values again. 

 

How do I know if I am someone who wants to change? 

We know ourselves best and are motivated best by ourselves. While others may desire for us to change, change will only come if we decide that we want that for ourselves; not to please others. If we falsify that we’ll work on and change something, with no true intention or plan, we are not likely to move forward in therapy. 

 

It can take time through personal reflection to understand what you want. It’s possible that having an affair signals unmet needs in the current relationship. Talking about our needs or desires can be difficult or uncomfortable. It’s possible that our partner is not open or comfortable meeting them, and you’re left feeling conflicted. 

 

However, there are various things to consider. Do you actually want to keep this relationship, or is it just within your comfort zone? Are you able to recognize the pain and betrayal your partner may feel due to your actions, and want to take accountability for that? Or, are you wanting to leave the relationship and explore alternate relationships? 

 

The choice is yours; commit to one and proceed. Working with a couples therapist to address this, whether together or separately, can help tremendously. You do not have to navigate this experience alone. People close to you may offer their personal biases or opinions that conflict with what you want. Consider seeing a therapist in Simi Valley for temporary support.

 

Consider these factors to decide if you want to continue pursuing your relationship

There are a few things to consider when deciding whether to continue pursuing your relationship. Let’s say that you are the partner who discovered the infidelity. You’ve been with your partner for a good amount of time, perhaps you have a family, are married, or have other big plans in store. It’s hard to walk away from a relationship that you’ve invested so much time and energy into.

 

But, are you staying because you want to be with this person and can forgive them? Or are you staying with them because they are all that you know? There is no judgment or shame in staying in such relationships. Endless reasons can explain why, in the event of infidelity, you choose to stay in your relationship. 

 

That decision is no one’s business but your own. You know what is best for you and have a plan moving forward. Similarly for a partner who cheated, it may be a sign that their current partner is just not the right fit for them. If you are cheating on your partner and find it difficult to stop, there may be larger underlying issues. 

 

Truly consider what kind of relationship you want versus the relationship you are in. We change over time in our relationships, as we are ever-changing people. Needs, interests, and desires can change over time. It is not our job to try to sway or control someone to act how we want them to. We may simply need to release what no longer works for us and move on.

 

Navigating infidelity in your relationship can be tricky. There is no certainty that couples counseling will repair your relationship, as it’s up to you two to do that work. A couples therapist will be guiding you through this process in a way that feels fair to both of you. Are you ready to try out couples therapy for infidelity, and see where your relationship can transform to?

 

In-person therapy in Simi Valley is ideal for those seeking a separate, safe space from their home. Therefore, check out our blog on Online Therapy or In Office Therapy to understand what format is best for you. Another great blog to read is ours on if you need Therapy or Medication to address your issues.

 

By seeking out support, you can begin your journey to feeling relief. However, you don’t have to go through finding the right level of support alone, either. By clicking here, you’ll read our blog on Information About Simi Valley Therapists.

 

Consider calling our therapy group at (805) 774-1506 for a free consultation on how you or a loved one can get started today!

 

Seek out a validating, safe environment with us today. We will help you get to where you want to be. Our therapists provide trauma therapy, teen therapy, individual adult therapy, LGBTQIA+ therapy, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, family therapy, and more in-office in Simi Valley, CA.