This short blog shares information on how to detach from someone. After noticing that one of our most popular blogs is 5 Signs It’s Time to Emotionally Detach from Someone, we’ll be expanding on the topic. Now, in what situation would you need to consider detaching from someone? When is it the right time to do this? What’ll happen if I do?


The answers to these questions are personal to you. There is no one clear answer for detaching from someone, and depends upon your unique relationship and situation. However, it could be that you notice having an unhealthy attachment to this person. This could look like being highly anxious with them, where their actions (or lack thereof) dictate your emotional and mental state. 


On another note, maybe you’ve known this person for a while. You’ve gone through a lot of history with them, but know that it’s negatively affecting your wellbeing. Whatever the situation is, it feels complicated, unclear, and tends to stress you out. When we can detach from others and return to ourselves, we can feel more decisive, confident, and relieved. 


Individual therapy in Simi Valley, CA supports you in navigating difficult situations. Make sure to read our blog on Why Start Therapy?


How to Detach From Someone: Reflect on reality over perceived potential

woman thinking out of the window after her session from therapy in simi valley

Do you feel like you tend to day-dream about scenarios where this person is doing something that makes you feel good? This could look like a difficult conversation going well, them acting differently, or more. It’s nice to imagine them doing things that you want them to do. But is this your reality?


When we have a lot of feelings for someone, whether romantically or platonically, we remain hopeful for the relationship. We want to give them chances to treat us certain ways, and be able to learn from past mistakes. However, a tough pill to swallow is that we have little influence over others’ feelings, thoughts, or actions. 


It’s important to consider that they are shaped by their own unique experiences, relationships, and upbringing. Just as you have learned to navigate certain situations, they have as well. When we idealize others acting in ways that aren’t truly aligned with their reality, we set unconscious expectations on them. Whether they can, or are willing to, meet them, depends upon them.


Therefore, it’s important to consider what’s really happening in your relationship. Are there mixed signals? Are you thinking about ways they could be communicating or acting, that aren’t currently happening? Focus on this and work on accepting how things are presently going. 


Therapy in Simi Valley, CA is a great place for you to receive focused support! Make sure to read our blog on 5 Ways to Connect with Your Inner Child.


How to Detach From Someone: Consider your deal breakers in friendships & relationships 

a group of friends laughing together after one of them had therapy in simi valley

Reflect on what you value most in friendships and relationships. How do you want to be treated by others? Are you wanting relations with those who support you, and truly listen to you when you’re in need? Maybe you value having people in your life that are honest and act in alignment with their words. While these may seem like the bare-minimum, we may overlook our core values just to keep someone in our lives. 


Consider how you treat the people around you. What aspects of yourself make you a good friend or partner? How do you make others feel loved, appreciated, and supported? Everyone has different ways of expressing themselves or showing this. However, what do you personally feel that you need or want to receive? 


You might have deal breakers in terms of communication, consistency, and more. Life gets in the way, and we cannot expect to be the central focus all the time. In tandem, you might notice patterns in their behaviors. Despite attempts to share your needs in a healthy manner, it feels like you are still not being heard.


Alongside this, consider what keeps you in this relationship. What benefits are you getting from it, and what’s been hurting you lately? Are these deal breakers to end the relationship, or is the other person willing to address some things? With that, reflect on what role you have in this dynamic as well. 


Individual therapy in Simi Valley, Ca prompts you to look through different perspectives with these situations. Make sure to read our blog on 3 Signs Therapy is Working.


How to Detach From Someone: Understand how trauma may play a role 

a couple arguing and in need of couples therapy in simi valley

A trauma bond is a deep, emotional attachment made between two people. It’s typically between an abusive person and a person they abuse. Within this bond, the person being abused may develop sympathy and understanding for the abuser’s actions. They may justify it by the abuser’s own trauma history, lack of emotional regulation, and more. 


The title of “abuser” doesn’t only indicate physical abuse. Abuse also comes through emotional and verbal abuse. Some examples of this look like being manipulative, guilt-tripping, putting you down, frequently blaming you, and more. Trauma bonds can occur in relationships that are not solely romantic, either. They can occur in familial or social relationships as well.


These bonds are very difficult to break. Due to a tumultuous relationship, a lot of understanding and empathy has been fostered. You may have an intimate understanding of them – feeling very close at times. It can feel very conflicting leaving this type of relationship, as it provides you with comfort and familiarity. 


If you are in an abusive situation, please seek out help and connect with these resources: Coalition for Family Harmony (805) 983-6014, Interface Children & Family Services (805) 485-6114, or (1) 866-331-9474. The Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233.


Trauma therapy in Simi Valley, Ca pairs you with a trauma-informed therapist. This means that they are experienced in avoiding re-traumatizing you and helping you process your trauma in a safe way.


How to Detach From Someone: Practice affirmations and positive self-talk

a man feeling more confident and happy thanks to starting therapy in simi valley

It’s highly recommended to have a strong support system while you navigate this. This could look like supportive friends or family members. It’s important to consider seeking out a therapist as well. With a therapist, you can continuously talk about these issues, and build on self-awareness, self-trust, and more. In the meantime, how can you support yourself?


The way we speak to ourselves matters a lot. When we use negative language such as, “I’ll never find someone who’ll understand me”, or “I’m not worthy of something better”, we limit ourselves. Beginning to speak to ourselves in positive and uplifting ways can feel unnatural at first. 


Think of what you would tell a friend or your younger self in this situation. What would you say to provide them with support? Now flip it back onto yourself. “I deserve to be treated right.” or “I am an amazing person with so much to offer”. You can come up with unique affirmations as well. This could look like, “Today, I will acknowledge difficult feelings that come up, and guide myself through them”.


Come up with ideas for coping activities. This includes taking a walk, watching your favorite show, listening to music, seeing a friend, etc. You may want to plan things throughout the month such as lunch dates, exercise, personal days, and more. Find what brings you peace and incorporate it when you can. 


Sitting with ourselves to process and think through situations can bring a lot of clarity. It takes time to build up skills for self-advocating. When you meet with a New Leaf therapist, you can begin your journey towards self-growth. 


In-person therapy in Simi Valley is ideal for those seeking a separate, safe space from their home. Check out our blog on Online Therapy or In Office Therapy to understand what format is best for you. Another great blog to read is ours on if you need Therapy or Medication to address your issues.


By seeking out support, you can begin your journey to feeling relief. You don’t have to go through finding the right level of support alone, either. By clicking here, you’ll read our blog on Information About Simi Valley Therapists.


Consider calling our therapy group at (805) 774-1506 for a free consultation on how you or a loved one can get started today!


Seek out a validating, safe environment with us today. We will help you get to where you want to be. Our therapists provide trauma therapy, teen therapy, individual adult therapy, LGBTQIA+ therapy, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, family therapy, and more in-office in Simi Valley, CA.

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