What Makes a Good Couples Therapist?

This blog answers your question on what makes a good couples therapist. You and your partner are deciding to explore the process of couples counseling. It’s normal that one or both of you are feeling nervous or hesitant to start this process. You’re not sure where to start or how extensive this process will be. 

 

It’s normal to circle back around starting couples therapy with your partner. You question if you two even really need it. Issues seem to get resolved over time on their own. Perhaps there are no major issues that stand out in your relationship. Because of this, the idea of adjusting your schedules and lifestyles for counseling feels like a lot. When, or if, you are ready for couples counseling, consider reading about what makes a good couples therapist.

 

Important Considerations Before Starting Couples Counseling

 

Review these important considerations before starting couples counseling. Are any of these issues ongoing in your relationship? 

 

• Occurrence of intimate partner violence or other forms of abuse.
• Presence of mental health conditions that require specialized intervention (ex: substance use disorder, schizophrenia).
• An ongoing affair or infidelity with no intentions to stop.

 

These are a few examples of what may dictate how appropriate couples counseling is versus individual support. While we won’t use this blog to go into too much detail around what is not a good fit for couples counseling, review this consideration list. Is your relationship currently struggling with the above issues? If so, feel free to call us today to speak further in depth about how we can support you. 

 

Contrary to popular belief, individual therapy is just as effective in treating relationship problems. You can process difficult moments, feelings, or decisions one-on-one. If you have prior relationship trauma or other mental health needs, you take up the space to address it. Finally, the focus turns to you as a partner and the role you contribute to the dynamic.

 

Consider reaching out for therapy in Simi Valley, CA today. We have a blog on what to expect in therapy for one, linked here.

 

The couples therapist is non-judgmental 

It should be a given that any competent couples therapist will not act as a judge in the therapy room. It’s important that therapists act ethically and within the scopes of their practice to ensure they can provide the best care for their clients. If a therapist is unaware of their own biases or outstanding personal work, it can show up in the therapy room unwarranted. 

 

While this is not a common experience (to my knowledge) it is still something to look out for. There is also a difference between a therapist challenging you and pointing out behaviors that you want to change and judging you for it. When we get called to take accountability for our actions, it can sometimes trigger defensiveness. 

 

However, your couples therapist is not here to assign who’s right and who’s wrong in the room. They may bring insight to behaviors or patterns that are adverse or harmful to your goals. However, this is done without judgment or shaming, and coming from a place of curiosity. Your therapist will take many factors into account when navigating your unique and complex issue together. 

 

If you’re skeptical about starting therapy for the first time, you’re certainly not alone. Consider reaching out to learn more about couples therapy in Simi Valley.

 

The couples counselor is curious about your unique backgrounds

We bring a lot of history into the room; not just from our relationship, but from our childhood and beyond. All of us have unique experiences throughout our upbringing that have caused us to develop our perceptions of the world around us. We are usually unconscious to the effects our development maintains on us as adults in relationships. 

 

You may wonder, why does it matter what my cultural background is in therapy? What does it matter if my family was religious, especially if I was not? Is my therapist asking me these questions to try to generalize me or fit me into some stereotypical box?

 

It’s understandable to have these questions. However, you were not just plopped down on earth with no exposure to any sort of sociocultural environment. It can be very insightful to be able to tie back certain thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to our unique backgrounds. 

 

When we assume that our partners see life through our exact lens, we assume wrong. Your partner also had their own experiences that continue to influence them to this day. By working to understand these backgrounds, your couples therapist can make real-time connections and bring more awareness to the both of you. 

 

Couples counseling in Simi Valley, CA is held in-person and recommended for weekly sessions. Consider reading our blog on 4 Reasons to Start Couples Therapy.

 

The marriage counselor is non-biased

A common reason that partners do not want to participate in couples therapy is due to a fear of bias. They may feel shame or embarrassment around the issues that will be discussed together in counseling. Because of this, they fear that the therapist will team up with the other partner against them. 

 

This can cause even more pressure if your partner has made more contact with the therapist than you. Ultimately, clinicians cannot ethically “choose a side” and must remain neutral. Your marriage counselor will be able to take a step back from all of the content, and look at the context. 

 

What’s important in couples counseling is how you and your partner interact with each other. Your therapist will be able to see things you may be blind or unaware of. This includes gestures, manners of speech, signs that you are getting overwhelmed, and more. They will be able to identify how you both contribute to problematic patterns.

 

Consider reading our blog on Couples Therapy or Individual Therapy?

 

The couples counselor is educated

With all of this, a good couples therapist is an educated one. While it is important to have an experienced couples counselor, everyone has to start somewhere. Your couples therapist may not be older than you and have lived the same relationship problems themselves. However, they can generally still meet your needs and effectively guide the sessions. 

 

How is this possible for a newer therapist to be able to work with my and my partner’s long, complicated relationship? It is understandable that you may want a therapist who has personally navigated events such as marriage, blended families, or separation. This could bring a sense of feeling like the therapist gets it. 

 

In reality, your unique experiences aren’t comparable. Even if your therapist also navigated similar situations, it may not have been navigated the same. That is due to the fact that several factors influence how we handle stressful situations. This includes upbringing, support systems, socioeconomic status, cultural background, gender, and more! 

 

You can find peace of mind in knowing that your couples therapist is educated in using effective therapy skills, building strong rapport, and offering individualized treatment. They will also aim to look at the issues through your lens to better understand your experiences and world views. By not applying broad, general beliefs, the treatment can be accurately tailored to your needs.

 

It can take some research to find a couples therapist that is a good fit for you and your partner. You’ll want to consider factors such as availability, cost, and location. For couples counseling in Simi Valley, reach out to us today for a free consultation.

 

In-person therapy in Simi Valley is ideal for those seeking a separate, safe space from their home. Check out our blog on Online Therapy or In Office Therapy to understand what format is best for you. Another great blog to read is ours on if you need Therapy or Medication to address your issues.

 

By seeking out support, you can begin your journey to feeling relief. You don’t have to go through finding the right level of support alone, either. By clicking here, you’ll read our blog on Information About Simi Valley Therapists.

 

Consider calling our therapy group at (805) 774-1506 for a free consultation on how you or a loved one can get started today!

 

Seek out a validating, safe environment with us today. We will help you get to where you want to be. Our therapists provide trauma therapy, teen therapy, individual adult therapy, LGBTQIA+ therapy, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, family therapy, and more in-office in Simi Valley, CA.