Does Couples Therapy Actually Work?

This blog answers your question: does couples therapy actually work? To save you some time reading – it depends. While marriage and family therapists are trained and experienced in working with couples, they can only meet you where you’re at. If both partners are motivated to overcome issues as a team, couples therapy can be a great growth opportunity for you both. 

 

It’s likely that you’re here because you’re at your wits end. The issues in your relationship seem to escalate further everyday. There’s no middle ground with your partner, and you both just feel like broken records. Needs aren’t being met, boundaries aren’t being respected, and you’re contemplating separating. So, you’re turning to couples therapy for guidance. 

 

You’re still a little skeptical of the process. I’ll be paying someone to listen to my relationship problems, and they’ll be fixed? Not necessarily. Your couples therapist is here to guide you and your partner to achieving shared goals together. They’re here to offer crucial insight to you as individuals, and how it contributes to your dynamic. 

 

Couples therapy in Simi Valley can feel like an uncomfortably vulnerable process. However, it’s important to do the hard work together! You and your partner can only reap the benefits with dedication to the process. Make sure to read our blog on What Couples Counseling Can Help With.

 

Does Couples Therapy Actually Work? Assessing your own buy-in to individual growth

It’s crucial that both partners assess their own buy-in to individual growth. What does this mean exactly, and why does it matter in couples therapy? Your buy-in is your willingness to be receptive to feedback, being open-minded, and more. In the room, it’s likely that some of your behaviors or thought patterns will be discussed.

 

One example could be if your partner wants therapy, but you don’t. You’re just attending sessions to appease them, but feel that you cannot fully buy-in to the process. Understand what part of you may be holding back. Are you concerned about potential judgment or bias? 

 

You may not be sure if you even want to remain in the relationship. However, discussions around separation can be therapeutic. This is true if you’re wanting to process some possible life transitions. Whatever your initial goals or intentions may be, going in authentically helps you benefit from the process. Couples therapy in Simi Valley is held in-person! Make sure to read our blog on Can Marriage Counseling Help?

Does Couples Therapy Actually Work? Setting realistic goals for yourselves and each other

What do realistic goals look like for yourselves and each other? Let’s say for example, that you two are on the verge of separating. You’re in therapy to work on repairing your intimacy or connection. But, you are struggling to maintain trust and security. The issues in your relationship have caused you two to avoid each other, or move out of a shared space.

 

There are some complicated factors at play. You want to have a better understanding of your future together, and realize that’ll take some time. It’s like undoing a giant knot – it takes time and effort to get to where you want to be. Therefore, in therapy, you’ll need to have realistic goals for yourselves. 

 

Your couples therapist will help lay out realistic goals for you as individuals, and together in the relationship. What are reasonable things you two can be working on right now? Are you able to acknowledge areas of growth within yourself? Is it possible to give your partner some grace while they learn how to grow in this process too?

 

Realistic goals may look like not dating other people during the therapeutic process. Perhaps it looks like working on active listening, having fair fighting rules, and more. In marriage counseling in Simi Valley, your therapist will collaborate with you to set goals. Make sure to read our blog on 3 Things to Know Before Starting Marriage Counseling.

 

Does Couples Therapy Actually Work? Seeking out individual support at the same time or prior to couples counseling

Consider individual therapy at the same time or before couples counseling. It’s understandable that you’re coming to couples therapy because you’re not on the best terms. Resentment is building, grudges are being held, and frustration is on the rise. You’re feeling like therapy is the last straw, but therapy involves more than just showing up. It’s about leaning into the process and the hard work to reach mutual goals. 

 

This can feel conflicting. It’s possible that there are things holding you back from wanting to be fully invested. Examples could be if there was infidelity, which left you feeling confused and hurt. It’s understandable that you feel you cannot fully invest in the process without being reminded of your partner’s actions.

 

Seeking out individual support alongside couples therapy can help you gain more insight, understand your values or needs, and improve communication. Having your own support provides you with a dedicated space to fully focus on the difficult or distressing feelings. 

 

In the case that your partner is not interested in couples therapy at all, definitely consider individual therapy. Make sure to read our blog on Individual Counseling or Couples Therapy? 

 

Couples therapy is a great and effective tool when both partners are open to the process. Starting counseling can feel intimidating, but at New Leaf, we’re here to help the process feel comfortable. 

 

In-person therapy in Simi Valley is ideal for those seeking a separate, safe space from their home. Check out our blog on Online Therapy or In Office Therapy to understand what format is best for you. Another great blog to read is ours on if you need Therapy or Medication to address your issues.

 

By seeking out support, you can begin your journey to feeling relief. You don’t have to go through finding the right level of support alone, either. By clicking here, you’ll read our blog on Information About Simi Valley Therapists.

 

Consider calling our therapy group at (805) 774-1506 for a free consultation on how you or a loved one can get started today!

 

Seek out a validating, safe environment with us today. We will help you get to where you want to be. Our therapists provide trauma therapy, teen therapy, individual adult therapy, LGBTQIA+ therapy, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, family therapy, and more in-office in Simi Valley, CA.