My Therapist Isn’t a Good Fit – What Do I Do

Are you thinking to yourself, “my therapist isn’t a good fit – what do I do?”. You’ve started a few sessions with your therapist, and you’re not sure it’ll work out. There’s something going on in sessions that aren’t sitting right with you. 

 

Making sure that you’re with the right support is key to successful therapy. There are a few reasons why a therapist may not feel like a good fit for you. You already know that seeing a therapist alone doesn’t change things – you change them. Your therapist is here to guide you along the journey, providing support in several ways. 

 

With that, there are things about your therapist that you’re debating whether it’s helpful or normal. Maybe it feels like your therapist isn’t truly listening to you. They may be rushing you to heal, causing you to feel overwhelmed. Your therapist may disclose information about their personal life, triggering your anxiety responses.

 

Our therapeutic relationships can often mimic our relationships that we hold with others. You may feel uncomfortable with confrontation and offering feedback. Perhaps your therapist is not seemingly coming from a non-judgmental lens, making you feel worried around opening up. 

 

When you work with our therapists in Simi Valley, you can expect quality care. We hold therapy sessions in-person at our office near Porter Ranch. Consider reading our blog on the 3 Types of Therapy in Simi Valley.

 

Therapeutic rapport takes time to build. It’s recommended to try at least a few sessions and monitor how you’re feeling in the session. It’s common that the first few sessions feel awkward or uncomfortable. However, there are valid reasons to terminate at the beginning of sessions.

 

The Importance of Giving Your Therapist Feedback 

Giving your therapist feedback for the first time can be scary. Especially for those that struggle with telling others how they feel. You may be someone who avoids confrontation, and learned to stay quiet and endure the discomfort. You may also be someone who easily spirals, worrying how this’ll affect your clinical relationship. 

 

However, your therapist will more than likely accept, and more importantly, want your feedback. Therapy is for you, and should be tailored to your needs. Therapists should approach each client differently, depending on what they are coming in for. Using the same treatment modality or plan doesn’t work for everyone. 

 

Your therapist wants to understand what works best for you. Perhaps you want more structure in your sessions, or a little less structure. They give you weekly assignments, but you may want more or less than that. Your therapist offers a lot of psychoeducation, but you’re not ready to go into an action phase right now. 

 

In therapy near Porter Ranch, we want to ensure that you’re having a good experience with our therapists. Is therapy always a fun, happy joyride in itself? Not necessarily. But, with the right therapist and supportive treatment, it has those moments. Consider reading our blog on How LGBTQIA+ Therapy Can Help.

 

How do I bring up my concerns directly to my therapist?

It can feel easier on our nervous system to avoid or “ghost” our therapist. We don’t return calls or texts regarding upcoming appointments, as we don’t want to attend them. We may no-show to sessions, and try to avoid communicating with them. However, practicing open and honest communication is a fundamental skill to have and practice. 

 

You can bring up concerns directly to your therapist in a few ways. It doesn’t have to be face to face in session, with anxiety lingering up until you bring it up. You can email your therapist, leave them a voicemail, or send a quick text. Here are some examples of what you can say:

 

• Something didn’t sit well with me in our last session. I want to address this to see if we can change it moving forward. 
• I’m feeling overwhelmed with the pace we’re moving with. I want to slow things down and take my time talking about it. 
• This coping skill/strategy is not working out for me. I want to explore alternative ways to cope.
• I felt anxious about my decisions after you made that comment. I want to process this with you. 

 

Therapy should always feel like a collaborative experience. Whether it’s agreeing upon topics being discussed, the pace of discussion, and more. This is especially important when talking about traumatic experiences.

 

Giving your therapist feedback is a great way to enhance your therapeutic relationship and experience. Therapists are expected to be receptive to feedback, encouraging communication and collaboration with their clients. Their reaction to your feedback can bring you a greater sense of relief than avoiding bringing it up. 

 

Here at New Leaf Marriage & Family Therapy, our Simi Valley therapists see your communication as a win. You may struggle with expressing yourself, identifying feelings, and more. When you practice skills that work towards your ultimate goals, you can feel more confident and assured.

 

Discussing Termination 

You’ve decided that this therapist is not the right fit for you. You may have already tried discussing your concerns, but feel like you still want to keep looking. How can you discuss terminating sessions with your therapist? As mentioned, you don’t have to wait until your next session to bring this up. You can communicate with them in other ways that may feel less confrontational. Some statement examples include:

 

• I enjoyed meeting with you and our first few sessions. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that this is the right fit for me, and I’d like to cancel all future sessions. 
• After reflecting, I decided to look for another therapist that would be a better fit for me. Thank you for your time. 
• It was nice meeting you. However, please cancel all future sessions I have scheduled.

 

While it can be helpful for you to identify what wasn’t working with your therapist, you don’t have to explain yourself. When termination is not an agreed upon goal, they may offer you a termination session to learn more. This is completely up to you if you’d like to process what wasn’t working for you. 

 

What if it wasn’t the therapist, but more logistical concerns?

 

Let’s say that you really enjoyed working with your therapist, but you just can’t afford it anymore. They don’t accept your insurance, and the session fee is higher than what you can budget for right now. It’s encouraged to discuss a temporary sliding scale fee with your therapist in this case. 

 

However, if it’s time to move on, ask your therapist for some assistance in this. Do they have any personal referrals to offer? Are they aware of directories you can utilize to narrow down your search? Does your therapist know of other low-cost referrals in your area or virtually?

 

Moving Forward to Find the Right Fit

You are now looking to find a better fit therapist for your needs. Finding the right therapist can feel like an exhausting process. You have to do your research, hold consultations, ensure they have your availability, etc. It makes sense to take breaks from your search for support. However, you know that you are needing to address things with a professional. 

 

Consider the following in your search for the right fit therapist:

• Are they in my insurance network? If not, am I comfortable paying their fee moving forward?
• Does our availability align? Am I able to adjust my schedule to attend therapy within their openings or not?
• Are they specialized or experienced in the niche I am looking for? (LGBTQIA+, trauma, OCD, Christian counseling).
• Do I like their biography and feel that they would truly understand me or my issues?
• Is this therapist in-person near me, or am I comfortable holding virtual therapy?

 

It’s essential that you are working with the right fit therapist for your needs. A therapist that makes you feel comfortable, supported, and healthily challenged. It may take a few sessions to understand if you’re feeling good or not. Unless something is blaringly obvious, it’s important to give rapport a chance to develop. 

 

Working with a therapist, especially for the first time, can feel unnatural or awkward. With the right fit therapist, you can experience relief from your symptoms. Consider calling us today for a free consultation on therapy in Simi Valley!

 

In-person therapy in Simi Valley is ideal for those seeking a separate, safe space from their home. Check out our blog on Online Therapy or In Office Therapy to understand what format is best for you. Another great blog to read is ours on if you need Therapy or Medication to address your issues.

 

By seeking out support, you can begin your journey to feeling relief. You don’t have to go through finding the right level of support alone, either. By clicking here, you’ll read our blog on Information About Simi Valley Therapists.

 

Consider calling our therapy group at (805) 774-1506 for a free consultation on how you or a loved one can get started today!

 

Seek out a validating, safe environment with us today. We will help you get to where you want to be. Our therapists provide trauma therapy, teen therapy, individual adult therapy, LGBTQIA+ therapy, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, family therapy, and more in-office in Simi Valley, CA.